Conversations With Cady

From the airport this morning, I’m reading on confidence. The book, “The Confidence Code” by Katy Kay and Claire Shipman defines confidence as the stuff that turns thoughts into action. They declare confidence as life’s enabler. The thing that propels us forward in our personal and professional lives.  I like this definition and it has me thinking about what I haven’t done because I’ve been uncertain of the outcome. What risk I have not taken because I lacked the ability to put the thought into action. As a recovering perfectionist, my tendency has always been to move in the direction of certainty. Take the job where I would easily excel. Travel to the place where I spoke the language and could communicate. I’ve always done the sure thing to avoid the uncertain, scary thing.  A few years ago I stopped making the certain decision and started stepping forward with more confidence. I booked a solo trip to Japan knowing that it would be filled with uncertainty due to a language ba...

Lawyers need vacations too! We all desperately need to disconnect and take a real break from the office but it is so hard to do when running a busy practice and you want to be of service to your clients. Technology has changed the definition of “emergency” and there is a pressure to be available at all times. I’ll never forget being in New York City when a client called to vent about his brother. I was on my first trip with my boyfriend at the time and I explained to him that when you’re a lawyer, it never ends.  It is really up to us to choose ourselves and do something different. Here are three simple boundaries you can create when going on vacation: 1. Create a detailed out of office message. Identify what day you will be coming back to the office and who can be contacted in your absence. Note that you will not be checking your emails or answering calls while you are away. Set clear expectations. 2. Notify your most active clients that you will be gone and let them know the stat...

As I continue to grow my business, I feel conflicting emotions. The most obvious is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of the unknown. Negative emotions have a tendency to stand louder than the positive ones. They’re based in history, society’s views, and the pressures imposed by our parents and family members. Fear will almost always be present.  But, I experience other emotions too. A deep desire to help others and grow my business. A need to align myself with my values of independence and service. Excitement for what’s to come and the authority to make decisions completely on my own. It is an adventure and a learning experience.  Many will say that you cannot live with both the positive and negative emotions. That you have to overcome the fear and anxiety before you can succeed. I disagree. I believe that we will always live with some level of fear but that we have to learn to acknowledge it and let it live within and alongside our other emotions. It will always ...

I just finished Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why” and it has me inspired to consider my purpose and why even more than I did a few weeks ago on this blog. Sinek’s position is that all great businesses and entrepreneurs start with why and then develop the what and how from the why. He references Apple, Southwest, and Harley Davison as companies with a clearly defined why that customers can believe in and therefore support.  My “why” is shaped by a lot of things. My experience as an employee in an industry dominated by outdated policies and practices. Conversations with colleagues that are burnt out, tired, and unfulfilled. My confidence that things can be done differently with great success if only people were willing to make a change. My willingness to work with others, to engage in conversations, to make a difference in an outdated industry.  My “why” is to make the world a better place by helping build confidence among peers so that they can ask for what they need in their pers...

The last few weeks, I’ve really noticed how hesitant people are to make a change in their lives. So many colleagues, friends, and even family members are frustrated by their day to day but they don’t want to do anything different. I keep wondering why? Why not rip off the bandaid and step forward into the unknown? My guess is that it’s fear based. That doing something new or different is always scary. What if you get a different outcome than you did with your old way of doing things? What if you fail? What if you make less money? What if someone judges you for doing things a different way? It’s all fear and shame and it serves no purpose other than to cripple you.  Change is after all, inevitable. You will never be in the same job, relationship, place, home, etc. for your entire life. Things change fast and often without input from you. What if we started embracing those changes instead of fearing them? Regardless of whether they are self-imposed or a result of others. What if we c...

I started a class on language which includes both verbal and non-verbal communication in conversation and interactions among clients, friends, family, and even strangers. One of the thoughts that really struck me is how much the words you say, or your body language, can affect your beliefs.  You talk to yourself more than anyone. Have you ever stopped to consider what you are saying to yourself that may be affecting what you believe about who you are and what you bring to the table? Is your mind littered with negative self-talk? What are you saying to yourself that is true and what is baseless? What beliefs have you developed as a result of what you say to yourself? We have a tendency to distort things, spiral, or get angry and let our brains run wild. We say so many things to ourselves that are not grounded in reality but the more often we say them, the more likely we are to believe them. If you tell yourself every day that you are unworthy, you’re going to start believing it. The...

I had a breakdown last week. Drained and frustrated, I considered giving it all up. Walking away from a legal career that I’ve built over ten years.  It’s hard to consistently feel dismissed. To feel that your ideas have no merit and that your ideal workplace is impractical. You’ve likely all been there - making suggestions to your managers and employers only to be ignored and to see no change. The status quo is rarely altered.  The problem we face in business is a sincere resistance to doing things different. Old school thought processes prevail. There is a scarcity mindset. That if you diverge too far from how you’ve always done things, you will not see the same level of success. Or if you do something a different way, you may fail altogether.  To be a big thinker in a narrow-minded field is to be shut down on the regular. It requires thick skin and a bigger outlook. You have to find the places that you can make an impact and move toward them. That can mean a new job, a...

Over the last year, I’ve grown so much. In isolation, I reflected. While parts of me are the same, parts of me have evolved and I think it’s time for a reintroduction.  Hi, I’m Cady.  I am a native Floridian. A lover of sunrises, sunsets, and sunshine in general. For the past several years, I have practiced as an estate and trust litigation attorney. I have learned so much from my practice. Litigation taught me about organization, confidence, and public speaking. The stressful environment taught me about balance and prioritizing. Some days the practice of law sucks. Other days it sucks less. Regardless, I have learned to manage the stress and negativity by focusing on my needs.  I want to help other professionals in high-stress environments with similar issues - overcoming burnout, recovering from perfectionism, and finding joy in the day to day. I started a coaching business earlier this year to do just that. Everyone has the opportunity to create a balanced, fulfilled l...

I taught my first class this week. It was fun and a great learning experience. It has me reflecting on firsts throughout my life. My first relationship, my first job, my first trial, my first heartbreak, etc. We learn so much from the first time we do something. With my first relationship, I learned what it felt like to be loved and supported. I learned about companionship, compatibility, communication, and adventure. From my first heartbreak, I learned how strong I am on my own and that with alone time, we develop the skills we need to thrive in and out of relationships. I valued my independence, my friendships, my family, and travel.  From my first law job I learned about good mentoring, hard work, and the importance of time away from the office. My first boss put such an emphasis on spending time with family and friends and really disconnecting. He believed that you needed at least a few weeks time off to really create distance between you and your workplace. I am forever gratef...

Anxiety sucks. I can’t remember when I started to feel anxious. I don’t really remember dealing with it until after law school. After I graduated, I had big goals and I thought that I could only accomplish them by perfecting the craft. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. My best was never good enough. Only perfect was acceptable. This pressure may have led to the uneasy nervousness I now associate with anxiety.  Anxiety manifests in many ways for me. Early on, it caused me to lose sleep. My brain raced for hours on all the things I had to accomplish the next day or all the ways I could have done something better that day. I ruminated on the emails I sent, the demand letters I drafted, and the meetings I had with clients and my superiors. It was all consuming at night and I constantly feared I could have done something better. At night time, I lost control of my thoughts and regularly spiraled into the negative and worst-case scenarios. A few years into my practice, I star...

A few weeks ago, I finished a coaching class on acknowledgement. The theme of the class was that we need to be aware of our client’s strengths and acknowledge when they utilize them to show up in a certain way in their personal or professional lives. The interesting development in the class, though, was how awkward it felt to receive acknowledgement or recognition and how wonderful it felt to give it.  This is how it went. The facilitator requested that I discuss something I was proud of from the previous week and enlisted my classmates to acknowledge my efforts. Immediately, I got sweaty. I was uncomfortable. I put my Zoom mic on mute and just smiled and nodded as my colleagues sang my praises. What should have been an enjoyable experience, was simply awkward.  So many of us do not handle praise. We feel we are not worthy of recognition, that we do not need it, or that we’re just doing what we’re supposed to do so it’s completely unnecessary. We explain away the acknowledgmen...

When friends talk to me about coaching, they often ask how I stay motivated to live a healthy, balanced life and how they can find the motivation to do the same. The honest answer is that I am not always motivated. There are many days when I am too exhausted to function or I don’t have the energy to train or work on whatever I need to work on.  What I lack in motivation, though, I gain in my routine. My routine is always to wake up early, get in some movement, eat breakfast, and then reflect and learn. I start my day this way so that no matter what my motivation levels are, I have something pulling me forward. It’s my Cady time and it is a priority. Other parts of my daily routine include regularly scheduled breaks, nutritious lunch and snacks, and hard quitting times. Oh, and I can’t forget my evening sleepy-time tea.  If you’re a person who doesn’t really like routine, there are so many other ways to find motivation. A few of my favorites include: Surrounding yourself with l...

Early this year I found myself crying after a hearing that was continued to a later date. I had prepared for weeks. I researched, wrote an outline of my argument, identified the questions I wanted to ask the witnesses, and was overly prepared to appear before the judge. It went fine but we didn’t finish. We were required to reschedule the remainder of the hearing nearly two months later. I was deflated. I had put so much time and energy into prepping for this hearing only to have no resolution. The end was delayed. All I could see was the many more hours I would now have to put in to prepare for the continued hearing. The many more days and nights this matter would be floating around in my head. It felt like I could not focus on anything else or rest until it was over.  That, my friends, is burnout. It is working too much, expending endless energy on certain issues, personal matters, clients, or cases that you literally cannot function. You begin to distort your own reality. You sa...

Sometimes I feel like I’m living two lives. The one that I signed on for many years ago and the one that I grew into over the last year, my authentic self. It is a constant battle between what my colleagues and society think I should be doing and what my heart and mind are telling me to do. I have found that I am saying “no” more often. I am pushing back on the people and things that do not serve me. I am asking “why”? But still, there is a pull. There may always be a pull. There may always be something challenging my thought processes and my direction. People will judge me, question my authenticity, and fear that I will leave them behind. It gets to me and sometimes, makes me sad. Shouldn’t we all always want the best for each other? Shouldn’t we admire others who have grown into their true selves?  Every morning I remind myself to choose me first. I prioritize my needs and my values. When I feel conflict, I move in my direction and one day, perhaps even sooner than I know, those ...

I am an overachiever. I have always been this way. Growing up, I played three sports, I was Senior Class President, I sought two degrees, I worked while in college, interned, and still managed to get good grades. I graduated with two degrees in three years, I finished law school in two. I did it all and boy, was I impressive. People said, "look at all she's done at such a young age! She's a boss!" "Overachiever" was a positive word in my mind. Something to seek and be.  In law, I did the same. I took on all the cases, all the appointments, all the leadership roles. Again, I did it all and boy, I was still impressive. Then in 2020, during a worldwide pandemic, things slowed down. I couldn't be everywhere for everyone all the time. While I had the leadership roles, those roles had no meaning. We couldn't gather. I couldn't focus on continued upward mobility and impressing. The world hit pause on my overachieving.  And guess what? My career didn...

Integrity is defined by Merriam Webster as " the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness". In my coaching classes we believe people have integrity when their words align with their actions. The dictionary definition is more subjective while our coaching definition is objective.  My definition is a combination of both. People live with integrity when their words match their actions but those words and actions are rooted in strong moral principles. Consistency is key. If a person identifies a value or a life purpose, I expect that person to live in alignment with that value or purpose, daily. It does not require big actions but small acts on a regular basis. As Joe Sabini noted in his Ted Talk on integrity and humility, "how we do anything is how we do everything."  A prime example is my goal to live with patience. Patience is something I value and in order to live with integrity, I need to practice patience in all interactions, ...

This week, I have been considering my life purpose and mission statement. It is a topic my classmates and I are discussing within our coaching training courses. Some people have been thinking about their purpose for years and can condense it into a five-word tagline. Others, like myself, feel that a "life purpose" changes and grows with you. Here are my May 2021 thoughts on my life purpose (subject to change literally daily).  My life purpose: To lead others to growth and self-discovery. To teach about happiness, balance, presence, and fulfillment. To explore new places, learn from different cultures, and grow as an individual. To serve others by listening, encouraging, motivating, and empowering. To advocate for positive change and understanding of mental health and wellness. To impact society by cultivating happy and compassionate individuals. To be free from expectations, rigidity, and the influence of others. To live the life of my design with consideration to the improve...

I am not a patient person. It has never been anywhere near the top of my virtues. As I have grown, though, I have realized that there is nothing in life that you can't work on (we do train muscles after all). So, I am practicing patience daily. Here's how: Gratitude: I sit in gratitude for where I am in my life and how far I have come.  Journaling: I explore patience through writing in my journal (and on my blog of course). I think about the ways I was patient during the day and the ways I could have employed more patience. I consider the people I impacted by being impatient. I forgive myself in the moments I lost my cool and treat it as a learning experience.  Listening: I listen with intent. I hesitate to interrupt the conversation or to jump to conclusions. Through coaching, I listen and let clients come to their own solutions. It takes time for people to discover themselves and identify the best routes forward.  Meditation: Sitting in silence trains the patience muscl...

It is time to retire the word "busy". It is not descriptive enough. It doesn't tell me what's really going on in your life. "Busy" can be a euphemism for burnout, over-scheduled, or overwhelmed. It can mean you aren't getting enough personal time in the day. It can mean that you don't have enough help with your home and family. It can mean that you took on too much - that you don't set boundaries. It can be an excuse. It can be a reason you decline an invitation as opposed to an honest assessment of why you do not want to attend.  Moving forward, I urge you to be precise with your words. Get to the root of why or how you are "busy" so that you can address it. The first step in finding balance is identifying what area of life you need to rectify. If you need help, ask for it. If you are over-scheduled, decline an invitation. If you need a break, take vacation time or take the afternoon away from your computer. Remember that "no...

The legal field is antiquated. Much has changed in the world but it seems the legal profession remains firmly rooted in the 1900s. We see law firms managed by white, male lawyers. We see unattainable billable hour requirements. We see a hesitancy to talk open and honestly about the mental health issues that plague our profession and country.  Law is based on precedent - cases that supports arguments and a judge's decisions. Case law that dates back to when the United States was newly formed and leaning on a fresh constitution. When we rely on precedent so heavily to do our jobs, it is hard to embrace change within the field. We require legal associates to stay late in the day not because they are more effective by working longer hours, but because that's just the way things have always been. We hire people from the same schools and backgrounds as us for the same reason. It is what we know. Firm culture relies on precedent just as much as the law.  In order to effectuate change...

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

The word "success" is on my mind. Growing up, I equated success to having a good job and a steady paycheck. I think it also meant living "the dream" - marriage, a family, and a nice home. I worked hard to get there. I spent years in school working on a bachelor's degree, then my juris doctor, and then an MBA. I have been grinding ever since. I had the right demeanor needed to be successful. I am confident, strong, and outspoken. I put in billable hours as a lawyer, sought the perfect relationship, and accomplished the goals that I believed would impress others and signify I had made it.  And that is where the problem lies - I was following a path designed by others. A definition of success created by a society that cherishes the masculine ideal of prosperity. I looked outward for confirmation I was doing the right thing. I regularly received affirmation from employers, colleagues, and family. Ultimately, it didn't matter. I didn't feel successful. I didn...

Sometimes, and more often lately, I am overwhelmed with sadness. I read the news and understand all the fresh, deep pain people experience all over the world. Some days, it is hard to work. To act like it is a normal day after tragedy haunts neighboring cities. To go to the gym, to have my tea, to login to my computer. Everything feels so heavy. My heart aches for my fellow humans.  On days like these, I try to focus on how I can help. How can I bring more light and positive energy into this world? To start, I focus on my community. I am kind to the people I encounter. I check in with my friends and colleagues and see how I can be of assistance to them. I sit with myself and my thoughts. I reflect and journal about the sadness and pain. I try to feel as much as I can. I write. I write for you and for me. I process.  Bad things happen. Bad things that most of us will never fully understand. The only thing that we can do is come together - be there for one another. We can encour...

Society is rigid and we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet quotas, accomplish lofty goals, make a certain income. Why? What do we accomplish by defining ourselves by the hours spent or the money earned? When we ditch the rules and honor our flow, we open the door to abundant possibilities. We say "yes" to things we would be encouraged to disregard. We do what is right for us at that time, not because we are supposed to, but because it feels like the right decision. No timelines, no rules, no walls. Goal setting used to be a priority for me. I wanted to accomplish X by age Y. Then I accomplished those things and nothing happened. I didn't grow or learn. I barely celebrated. I went from meeting one goal to creating a new one. I have also set unrealistic rules in my life - no sugar for a month, workout five times a week, meditate daily. Routine is great but when you're living in a set of rules, you'll inevitably let yourself down when you break a ru...

When contemplating a career change with friends and family, I am inundated with responses framed from their point of view. "What if you fail?" or "What if you don't make a paycheck?" and my personal favorite, "At least you can always fall back on your old career..." Naturally, I internalize. I think, "maybe I am crazy" and "this is too big of a risk". I begin to doubt my skillset. I doubt my instincts. I doubt my years of contemplation, growth, and mindset.  I call this thought process, Self-Doubt Debbie. It is thinking spurred by the self-doubts of others and then projected on me. It is the fear of everyone around me and their Self-Doubt Debbie's trying to jump on my shoulders and tell me what to do or not do.  How sad is that we rarely see the opposite framing: What if you succeed in a space more aligned with your personality and purpose? What if you are happier? Have stronger relationships? Find peace? What an amazing change ...

I may be writing this on a Tuesday but I want to talk about the scariest of all days, Sundays. Historically, the last day of my shockingly short weekend was filled with every household task necessary to prep for the week ahead. That included laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, meal prep, cleaning, and running every errand that was put off during the week. Boring adult stuff. It might even include a drive to visit the family for lunch because when else are we all supposed to get together without work? By the time the day ended, I was anything but rested. I was annoyed that the entirety of one of my blessed days away from the job was entirely spent preparing for the week ahead. It's no wonder a majority of us end the weekend with "Sunday Scaries".  Now, Sundays are my favorite. They are filled with rest and reflection. Sundays are simply, not so scary anymore. So, how did I get to this point? To the point I actually look forward to this day more than most? It took some...

At this moment, I am a woman learning about who I am and what I want from my life. I am a ten-year practicing lawyer. I am a student. I am a friend, girlfriend, daughter, sister, and aunt. I am curious. I am an athlete and also, a coach. I am anxious. I am Type A. I am a traveler, reader, bubble bather, sunset watcher, and writer. I am an empath. Sometimes, I am happy and sometimes, I am sad. I am growing.  It is hard to say how I got to this point. How, at 34, I started questioning my "life plan". Through a pandemic and a lot of isolation, we have all been provided time, perhaps too much time, to think about our past, our present, and our future selves. I've considered what brings me the most joy. Here is what I know -  you do not have to do something just because you are good at it. You do not have to do something because you have the education, experience, and resources to do it. You also do not have to do something because it is expected from you.  The truth is that t...