Conversations With Cady

I taught my first class this week. It was fun and a great learning experience. It has me reflecting on firsts throughout my life. My first relationship, my first job, my first trial, my first heartbreak, etc. We learn so much from the first time we do something. With my first relationship, I learned what it felt like to be loved and supported. I learned about companionship, compatibility, communication, and adventure. From my first heartbreak, I learned how strong I am on my own and that with alone time, we develop the skills we need to thrive in and out of relationships. I valued my independence, my friendships, my family, and travel.  From my first law job I learned about good mentoring, hard work, and the importance of time away from the office. My first boss put such an emphasis on spending time with family and friends and really disconnecting. He believed that you needed at least a few weeks time off to really create distance between you and your workplace. I am forever gratef...

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

Society is rigid and we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet quotas, accomplish lofty goals, make a certain income. Why? What do we accomplish by defining ourselves by the hours spent or the money earned? When we ditch the rules and honor our flow, we open the door to abundant possibilities. We say "yes" to things we would be encouraged to disregard. We do what is right for us at that time, not because we are supposed to, but because it feels like the right decision. No timelines, no rules, no walls. Goal setting used to be a priority for me. I wanted to accomplish X by age Y. Then I accomplished those things and nothing happened. I didn't grow or learn. I barely celebrated. I went from meeting one goal to creating a new one. I have also set unrealistic rules in my life - no sugar for a month, workout five times a week, meditate daily. Routine is great but when you're living in a set of rules, you'll inevitably let yourself down when you break a ru...

When contemplating a career change with friends and family, I am inundated with responses framed from their point of view. "What if you fail?" or "What if you don't make a paycheck?" and my personal favorite, "At least you can always fall back on your old career..." Naturally, I internalize. I think, "maybe I am crazy" and "this is too big of a risk". I begin to doubt my skillset. I doubt my instincts. I doubt my years of contemplation, growth, and mindset.  I call this thought process, Self-Doubt Debbie. It is thinking spurred by the self-doubts of others and then projected on me. It is the fear of everyone around me and their Self-Doubt Debbie's trying to jump on my shoulders and tell me what to do or not do.  How sad is that we rarely see the opposite framing: What if you succeed in a space more aligned with your personality and purpose? What if you are happier? Have stronger relationships? Find peace? What an amazing change ...

I may be writing this on a Tuesday but I want to talk about the scariest of all days, Sundays. Historically, the last day of my shockingly short weekend was filled with every household task necessary to prep for the week ahead. That included laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, meal prep, cleaning, and running every errand that was put off during the week. Boring adult stuff. It might even include a drive to visit the family for lunch because when else are we all supposed to get together without work? By the time the day ended, I was anything but rested. I was annoyed that the entirety of one of my blessed days away from the job was entirely spent preparing for the week ahead. It's no wonder a majority of us end the weekend with "Sunday Scaries".  Now, Sundays are my favorite. They are filled with rest and reflection. Sundays are simply, not so scary anymore. So, how did I get to this point? To the point I actually look forward to this day more than most? It took some...