Conversations With Cady

Early this year I found myself crying after a hearing that was continued to a later date. I had prepared for weeks. I researched, wrote an outline of my argument, identified the questions I wanted to ask the witnesses, and was overly prepared to appear before the judge. It went fine but we didn’t finish. We were required to reschedule the remainder of the hearing nearly two months later. I was deflated. I had put so much time and energy into prepping for this hearing only to have no resolution. The end was delayed. All I could see was the many more hours I would now have to put in to prepare for the continued hearing. The many more days and nights this matter would be floating around in my head. It felt like I could not focus on anything else or rest until it was over.  That, my friends, is burnout. It is working too much, expending endless energy on certain issues, personal matters, clients, or cases that you literally cannot function. You begin to distort your own reality. You sa...

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

The word "success" is on my mind. Growing up, I equated success to having a good job and a steady paycheck. I think it also meant living "the dream" - marriage, a family, and a nice home. I worked hard to get there. I spent years in school working on a bachelor's degree, then my juris doctor, and then an MBA. I have been grinding ever since. I had the right demeanor needed to be successful. I am confident, strong, and outspoken. I put in billable hours as a lawyer, sought the perfect relationship, and accomplished the goals that I believed would impress others and signify I had made it.  And that is where the problem lies - I was following a path designed by others. A definition of success created by a society that cherishes the masculine ideal of prosperity. I looked outward for confirmation I was doing the right thing. I regularly received affirmation from employers, colleagues, and family. Ultimately, it didn't matter. I didn't feel successful. I didn...

I may be writing this on a Tuesday but I want to talk about the scariest of all days, Sundays. Historically, the last day of my shockingly short weekend was filled with every household task necessary to prep for the week ahead. That included laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, meal prep, cleaning, and running every errand that was put off during the week. Boring adult stuff. It might even include a drive to visit the family for lunch because when else are we all supposed to get together without work? By the time the day ended, I was anything but rested. I was annoyed that the entirety of one of my blessed days away from the job was entirely spent preparing for the week ahead. It's no wonder a majority of us end the weekend with "Sunday Scaries".  Now, Sundays are my favorite. They are filled with rest and reflection. Sundays are simply, not so scary anymore. So, how did I get to this point? To the point I actually look forward to this day more than most? It took some...