Conversations With Cady

From the airport this morning, I’m reading on confidence. The book, “The Confidence Code” by Katy Kay and Claire Shipman defines confidence as the stuff that turns thoughts into action. They declare confidence as life’s enabler. The thing that propels us forward in our personal and professional lives.  I like this definition and it has me thinking about what I haven’t done because I’ve been uncertain of the outcome. What risk I have not taken because I lacked the ability to put the thought into action. As a recovering perfectionist, my tendency has always been to move in the direction of certainty. Take the job where I would easily excel. Travel to the place where I spoke the language and could communicate. I’ve always done the sure thing to avoid the uncertain, scary thing.  A few years ago I stopped making the certain decision and started stepping forward with more confidence. I booked a solo trip to Japan knowing that it would be filled with uncertainty due to a language ba...

I just finished Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why” and it has me inspired to consider my purpose and why even more than I did a few weeks ago on this blog. Sinek’s position is that all great businesses and entrepreneurs start with why and then develop the what and how from the why. He references Apple, Southwest, and Harley Davison as companies with a clearly defined why that customers can believe in and therefore support.  My “why” is shaped by a lot of things. My experience as an employee in an industry dominated by outdated policies and practices. Conversations with colleagues that are burnt out, tired, and unfulfilled. My confidence that things can be done differently with great success if only people were willing to make a change. My willingness to work with others, to engage in conversations, to make a difference in an outdated industry.  My “why” is to make the world a better place by helping build confidence among peers so that they can ask for what they need in their pers...

Anxiety sucks. I can’t remember when I started to feel anxious. I don’t really remember dealing with it until after law school. After I graduated, I had big goals and I thought that I could only accomplish them by perfecting the craft. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. My best was never good enough. Only perfect was acceptable. This pressure may have led to the uneasy nervousness I now associate with anxiety.  Anxiety manifests in many ways for me. Early on, it caused me to lose sleep. My brain raced for hours on all the things I had to accomplish the next day or all the ways I could have done something better that day. I ruminated on the emails I sent, the demand letters I drafted, and the meetings I had with clients and my superiors. It was all consuming at night and I constantly feared I could have done something better. At night time, I lost control of my thoughts and regularly spiraled into the negative and worst-case scenarios. A few years into my practice, I star...

Sometimes I feel like I’m living two lives. The one that I signed on for many years ago and the one that I grew into over the last year, my authentic self. It is a constant battle between what my colleagues and society think I should be doing and what my heart and mind are telling me to do. I have found that I am saying “no” more often. I am pushing back on the people and things that do not serve me. I am asking “why”? But still, there is a pull. There may always be a pull. There may always be something challenging my thought processes and my direction. People will judge me, question my authenticity, and fear that I will leave them behind. It gets to me and sometimes, makes me sad. Shouldn’t we all always want the best for each other? Shouldn’t we admire others who have grown into their true selves?  Every morning I remind myself to choose me first. I prioritize my needs and my values. When I feel conflict, I move in my direction and one day, perhaps even sooner than I know, those ...

I am an overachiever. I have always been this way. Growing up, I played three sports, I was Senior Class President, I sought two degrees, I worked while in college, interned, and still managed to get good grades. I graduated with two degrees in three years, I finished law school in two. I did it all and boy, was I impressive. People said, "look at all she's done at such a young age! She's a boss!" "Overachiever" was a positive word in my mind. Something to seek and be.  In law, I did the same. I took on all the cases, all the appointments, all the leadership roles. Again, I did it all and boy, I was still impressive. Then in 2020, during a worldwide pandemic, things slowed down. I couldn't be everywhere for everyone all the time. While I had the leadership roles, those roles had no meaning. We couldn't gather. I couldn't focus on continued upward mobility and impressing. The world hit pause on my overachieving.  And guess what? My career didn...

It is time to retire the word "busy". It is not descriptive enough. It doesn't tell me what's really going on in your life. "Busy" can be a euphemism for burnout, over-scheduled, or overwhelmed. It can mean you aren't getting enough personal time in the day. It can mean that you don't have enough help with your home and family. It can mean that you took on too much - that you don't set boundaries. It can be an excuse. It can be a reason you decline an invitation as opposed to an honest assessment of why you do not want to attend.  Moving forward, I urge you to be precise with your words. Get to the root of why or how you are "busy" so that you can address it. The first step in finding balance is identifying what area of life you need to rectify. If you need help, ask for it. If you are over-scheduled, decline an invitation. If you need a break, take vacation time or take the afternoon away from your computer. Remember that "no...

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

The word "success" is on my mind. Growing up, I equated success to having a good job and a steady paycheck. I think it also meant living "the dream" - marriage, a family, and a nice home. I worked hard to get there. I spent years in school working on a bachelor's degree, then my juris doctor, and then an MBA. I have been grinding ever since. I had the right demeanor needed to be successful. I am confident, strong, and outspoken. I put in billable hours as a lawyer, sought the perfect relationship, and accomplished the goals that I believed would impress others and signify I had made it.  And that is where the problem lies - I was following a path designed by others. A definition of success created by a society that cherishes the masculine ideal of prosperity. I looked outward for confirmation I was doing the right thing. I regularly received affirmation from employers, colleagues, and family. Ultimately, it didn't matter. I didn't feel successful. I didn...