Conversations With Cady

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

The word "success" is on my mind. Growing up, I equated success to having a good job and a steady paycheck. I think it also meant living "the dream" - marriage, a family, and a nice home. I worked hard to get there. I spent years in school working on a bachelor's degree, then my juris doctor, and then an MBA. I have been grinding ever since. I had the right demeanor needed to be successful. I am confident, strong, and outspoken. I put in billable hours as a lawyer, sought the perfect relationship, and accomplished the goals that I believed would impress others and signify I had made it.  And that is where the problem lies - I was following a path designed by others. A definition of success created by a society that cherishes the masculine ideal of prosperity. I looked outward for confirmation I was doing the right thing. I regularly received affirmation from employers, colleagues, and family. Ultimately, it didn't matter. I didn't feel successful. I didn...