Conversations With Cady

As I continue to grow my business, I feel conflicting emotions. The most obvious is fear. Fear of failure. Fear of judgment. Fear of the unknown. Negative emotions have a tendency to stand louder than the positive ones. They’re based in history, society’s views, and the pressures imposed by our parents and family members. Fear will almost always be present.  But, I experience other emotions too. A deep desire to help others and grow my business. A need to align myself with my values of independence and service. Excitement for what’s to come and the authority to make decisions completely on my own. It is an adventure and a learning experience.  Many will say that you cannot live with both the positive and negative emotions. That you have to overcome the fear and anxiety before you can succeed. I disagree. I believe that we will always live with some level of fear but that we have to learn to acknowledge it and let it live within and alongside our other emotions. It will always ...

I just finished Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why” and it has me inspired to consider my purpose and why even more than I did a few weeks ago on this blog. Sinek’s position is that all great businesses and entrepreneurs start with why and then develop the what and how from the why. He references Apple, Southwest, and Harley Davison as companies with a clearly defined why that customers can believe in and therefore support.  My “why” is shaped by a lot of things. My experience as an employee in an industry dominated by outdated policies and practices. Conversations with colleagues that are burnt out, tired, and unfulfilled. My confidence that things can be done differently with great success if only people were willing to make a change. My willingness to work with others, to engage in conversations, to make a difference in an outdated industry.  My “why” is to make the world a better place by helping build confidence among peers so that they can ask for what they need in their pers...

Anxiety sucks. I can’t remember when I started to feel anxious. I don’t really remember dealing with it until after law school. After I graduated, I had big goals and I thought that I could only accomplish them by perfecting the craft. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. My best was never good enough. Only perfect was acceptable. This pressure may have led to the uneasy nervousness I now associate with anxiety.  Anxiety manifests in many ways for me. Early on, it caused me to lose sleep. My brain raced for hours on all the things I had to accomplish the next day or all the ways I could have done something better that day. I ruminated on the emails I sent, the demand letters I drafted, and the meetings I had with clients and my superiors. It was all consuming at night and I constantly feared I could have done something better. At night time, I lost control of my thoughts and regularly spiraled into the negative and worst-case scenarios. A few years into my practice, I star...

Sometimes I feel like I’m living two lives. The one that I signed on for many years ago and the one that I grew into over the last year, my authentic self. It is a constant battle between what my colleagues and society think I should be doing and what my heart and mind are telling me to do. I have found that I am saying “no” more often. I am pushing back on the people and things that do not serve me. I am asking “why”? But still, there is a pull. There may always be a pull. There may always be something challenging my thought processes and my direction. People will judge me, question my authenticity, and fear that I will leave them behind. It gets to me and sometimes, makes me sad. Shouldn’t we all always want the best for each other? Shouldn’t we admire others who have grown into their true selves?  Every morning I remind myself to choose me first. I prioritize my needs and my values. When I feel conflict, I move in my direction and one day, perhaps even sooner than I know, those ...

Integrity is defined by Merriam Webster as " the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness". In my coaching classes we believe people have integrity when their words align with their actions. The dictionary definition is more subjective while our coaching definition is objective.  My definition is a combination of both. People live with integrity when their words match their actions but those words and actions are rooted in strong moral principles. Consistency is key. If a person identifies a value or a life purpose, I expect that person to live in alignment with that value or purpose, daily. It does not require big actions but small acts on a regular basis. As Joe Sabini noted in his Ted Talk on integrity and humility, "how we do anything is how we do everything."  A prime example is my goal to live with patience. Patience is something I value and in order to live with integrity, I need to practice patience in all interactions, ...

It is time to retire the word "busy". It is not descriptive enough. It doesn't tell me what's really going on in your life. "Busy" can be a euphemism for burnout, over-scheduled, or overwhelmed. It can mean you aren't getting enough personal time in the day. It can mean that you don't have enough help with your home and family. It can mean that you took on too much - that you don't set boundaries. It can be an excuse. It can be a reason you decline an invitation as opposed to an honest assessment of why you do not want to attend.  Moving forward, I urge you to be precise with your words. Get to the root of why or how you are "busy" so that you can address it. The first step in finding balance is identifying what area of life you need to rectify. If you need help, ask for it. If you are over-scheduled, decline an invitation. If you need a break, take vacation time or take the afternoon away from your computer. Remember that "no...

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

The word "success" is on my mind. Growing up, I equated success to having a good job and a steady paycheck. I think it also meant living "the dream" - marriage, a family, and a nice home. I worked hard to get there. I spent years in school working on a bachelor's degree, then my juris doctor, and then an MBA. I have been grinding ever since. I had the right demeanor needed to be successful. I am confident, strong, and outspoken. I put in billable hours as a lawyer, sought the perfect relationship, and accomplished the goals that I believed would impress others and signify I had made it.  And that is where the problem lies - I was following a path designed by others. A definition of success created by a society that cherishes the masculine ideal of prosperity. I looked outward for confirmation I was doing the right thing. I regularly received affirmation from employers, colleagues, and family. Ultimately, it didn't matter. I didn't feel successful. I didn...

Sometimes, and more often lately, I am overwhelmed with sadness. I read the news and understand all the fresh, deep pain people experience all over the world. Some days, it is hard to work. To act like it is a normal day after tragedy haunts neighboring cities. To go to the gym, to have my tea, to login to my computer. Everything feels so heavy. My heart aches for my fellow humans.  On days like these, I try to focus on how I can help. How can I bring more light and positive energy into this world? To start, I focus on my community. I am kind to the people I encounter. I check in with my friends and colleagues and see how I can be of assistance to them. I sit with myself and my thoughts. I reflect and journal about the sadness and pain. I try to feel as much as I can. I write. I write for you and for me. I process.  Bad things happen. Bad things that most of us will never fully understand. The only thing that we can do is come together - be there for one another. We can encour...

Society is rigid and we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet quotas, accomplish lofty goals, make a certain income. Why? What do we accomplish by defining ourselves by the hours spent or the money earned? When we ditch the rules and honor our flow, we open the door to abundant possibilities. We say "yes" to things we would be encouraged to disregard. We do what is right for us at that time, not because we are supposed to, but because it feels like the right decision. No timelines, no rules, no walls. Goal setting used to be a priority for me. I wanted to accomplish X by age Y. Then I accomplished those things and nothing happened. I didn't grow or learn. I barely celebrated. I went from meeting one goal to creating a new one. I have also set unrealistic rules in my life - no sugar for a month, workout five times a week, meditate daily. Routine is great but when you're living in a set of rules, you'll inevitably let yourself down when you break a ru...