Conversations With Cady

From the airport this morning, I’m reading on confidence. The book, “The Confidence Code” by Katy Kay and Claire Shipman defines confidence as the stuff that turns thoughts into action. They declare confidence as life’s enabler. The thing that propels us forward in our personal and professional lives.  I like this definition and it has me thinking about what I haven’t done because I’ve been uncertain of the outcome. What risk I have not taken because I lacked the ability to put the thought into action. As a recovering perfectionist, my tendency has always been to move in the direction of certainty. Take the job where I would easily excel. Travel to the place where I spoke the language and could communicate. I’ve always done the sure thing to avoid the uncertain, scary thing.  A few years ago I stopped making the certain decision and started stepping forward with more confidence. I booked a solo trip to Japan knowing that it would be filled with uncertainty due to a language ba...

The last few weeks, I’ve really noticed how hesitant people are to make a change in their lives. So many colleagues, friends, and even family members are frustrated by their day to day but they don’t want to do anything different. I keep wondering why? Why not rip off the bandaid and step forward into the unknown? My guess is that it’s fear based. That doing something new or different is always scary. What if you get a different outcome than you did with your old way of doing things? What if you fail? What if you make less money? What if someone judges you for doing things a different way? It’s all fear and shame and it serves no purpose other than to cripple you.  Change is after all, inevitable. You will never be in the same job, relationship, place, home, etc. for your entire life. Things change fast and often without input from you. What if we started embracing those changes instead of fearing them? Regardless of whether they are self-imposed or a result of others. What if we c...

I started a class on language which includes both verbal and non-verbal communication in conversation and interactions among clients, friends, family, and even strangers. One of the thoughts that really struck me is how much the words you say, or your body language, can affect your beliefs.  You talk to yourself more than anyone. Have you ever stopped to consider what you are saying to yourself that may be affecting what you believe about who you are and what you bring to the table? Is your mind littered with negative self-talk? What are you saying to yourself that is true and what is baseless? What beliefs have you developed as a result of what you say to yourself? We have a tendency to distort things, spiral, or get angry and let our brains run wild. We say so many things to ourselves that are not grounded in reality but the more often we say them, the more likely we are to believe them. If you tell yourself every day that you are unworthy, you’re going to start believing it. The...

I had a breakdown last week. Drained and frustrated, I considered giving it all up. Walking away from a legal career that I’ve built over ten years.  It’s hard to consistently feel dismissed. To feel that your ideas have no merit and that your ideal workplace is impractical. You’ve likely all been there - making suggestions to your managers and employers only to be ignored and to see no change. The status quo is rarely altered.  The problem we face in business is a sincere resistance to doing things different. Old school thought processes prevail. There is a scarcity mindset. That if you diverge too far from how you’ve always done things, you will not see the same level of success. Or if you do something a different way, you may fail altogether.  To be a big thinker in a narrow-minded field is to be shut down on the regular. It requires thick skin and a bigger outlook. You have to find the places that you can make an impact and move toward them. That can mean a new job, a...

Anxiety sucks. I can’t remember when I started to feel anxious. I don’t really remember dealing with it until after law school. After I graduated, I had big goals and I thought that I could only accomplish them by perfecting the craft. I put a lot of pressure on myself to perform. My best was never good enough. Only perfect was acceptable. This pressure may have led to the uneasy nervousness I now associate with anxiety.  Anxiety manifests in many ways for me. Early on, it caused me to lose sleep. My brain raced for hours on all the things I had to accomplish the next day or all the ways I could have done something better that day. I ruminated on the emails I sent, the demand letters I drafted, and the meetings I had with clients and my superiors. It was all consuming at night and I constantly feared I could have done something better. At night time, I lost control of my thoughts and regularly spiraled into the negative and worst-case scenarios. A few years into my practice, I star...

A few weeks ago, I finished a coaching class on acknowledgement. The theme of the class was that we need to be aware of our client’s strengths and acknowledge when they utilize them to show up in a certain way in their personal or professional lives. The interesting development in the class, though, was how awkward it felt to receive acknowledgement or recognition and how wonderful it felt to give it.  This is how it went. The facilitator requested that I discuss something I was proud of from the previous week and enlisted my classmates to acknowledge my efforts. Immediately, I got sweaty. I was uncomfortable. I put my Zoom mic on mute and just smiled and nodded as my colleagues sang my praises. What should have been an enjoyable experience, was simply awkward.  So many of us do not handle praise. We feel we are not worthy of recognition, that we do not need it, or that we’re just doing what we’re supposed to do so it’s completely unnecessary. We explain away the acknowledgmen...

When friends talk to me about coaching, they often ask how I stay motivated to live a healthy, balanced life and how they can find the motivation to do the same. The honest answer is that I am not always motivated. There are many days when I am too exhausted to function or I don’t have the energy to train or work on whatever I need to work on.  What I lack in motivation, though, I gain in my routine. My routine is always to wake up early, get in some movement, eat breakfast, and then reflect and learn. I start my day this way so that no matter what my motivation levels are, I have something pulling me forward. It’s my Cady time and it is a priority. Other parts of my daily routine include regularly scheduled breaks, nutritious lunch and snacks, and hard quitting times. Oh, and I can’t forget my evening sleepy-time tea.  If you’re a person who doesn’t really like routine, there are so many other ways to find motivation. A few of my favorites include: Surrounding yourself with l...

Early this year I found myself crying after a hearing that was continued to a later date. I had prepared for weeks. I researched, wrote an outline of my argument, identified the questions I wanted to ask the witnesses, and was overly prepared to appear before the judge. It went fine but we didn’t finish. We were required to reschedule the remainder of the hearing nearly two months later. I was deflated. I had put so much time and energy into prepping for this hearing only to have no resolution. The end was delayed. All I could see was the many more hours I would now have to put in to prepare for the continued hearing. The many more days and nights this matter would be floating around in my head. It felt like I could not focus on anything else or rest until it was over.  That, my friends, is burnout. It is working too much, expending endless energy on certain issues, personal matters, clients, or cases that you literally cannot function. You begin to distort your own reality. You sa...

Sometimes I feel like I’m living two lives. The one that I signed on for many years ago and the one that I grew into over the last year, my authentic self. It is a constant battle between what my colleagues and society think I should be doing and what my heart and mind are telling me to do. I have found that I am saying “no” more often. I am pushing back on the people and things that do not serve me. I am asking “why”? But still, there is a pull. There may always be a pull. There may always be something challenging my thought processes and my direction. People will judge me, question my authenticity, and fear that I will leave them behind. It gets to me and sometimes, makes me sad. Shouldn’t we all always want the best for each other? Shouldn’t we admire others who have grown into their true selves?  Every morning I remind myself to choose me first. I prioritize my needs and my values. When I feel conflict, I move in my direction and one day, perhaps even sooner than I know, those ...

This week, I have been considering my life purpose and mission statement. It is a topic my classmates and I are discussing within our coaching training courses. Some people have been thinking about their purpose for years and can condense it into a five-word tagline. Others, like myself, feel that a "life purpose" changes and grows with you. Here are my May 2021 thoughts on my life purpose (subject to change literally daily).  My life purpose: To lead others to growth and self-discovery. To teach about happiness, balance, presence, and fulfillment. To explore new places, learn from different cultures, and grow as an individual. To serve others by listening, encouraging, motivating, and empowering. To advocate for positive change and understanding of mental health and wellness. To impact society by cultivating happy and compassionate individuals. To be free from expectations, rigidity, and the influence of others. To live the life of my design with consideration to the improve...

The legal field is antiquated. Much has changed in the world but it seems the legal profession remains firmly rooted in the 1900s. We see law firms managed by white, male lawyers. We see unattainable billable hour requirements. We see a hesitancy to talk open and honestly about the mental health issues that plague our profession and country.  Law is based on precedent - cases that supports arguments and a judge's decisions. Case law that dates back to when the United States was newly formed and leaning on a fresh constitution. When we rely on precedent so heavily to do our jobs, it is hard to embrace change within the field. We require legal associates to stay late in the day not because they are more effective by working longer hours, but because that's just the way things have always been. We hire people from the same schools and backgrounds as us for the same reason. It is what we know. Firm culture relies on precedent just as much as the law.  In order to effectuate change...