Conversations With Cady

From the airport this morning, I’m reading on confidence. The book, “The Confidence Code” by Katy Kay and Claire Shipman defines confidence as the stuff that turns thoughts into action. They declare confidence as life’s enabler. The thing that propels us forward in our personal and professional lives.  I like this definition and it has me thinking about what I haven’t done because I’ve been uncertain of the outcome. What risk I have not taken because I lacked the ability to put the thought into action. As a recovering perfectionist, my tendency has always been to move in the direction of certainty. Take the job where I would easily excel. Travel to the place where I spoke the language and could communicate. I’ve always done the sure thing to avoid the uncertain, scary thing.  A few years ago I stopped making the certain decision and started stepping forward with more confidence. I booked a solo trip to Japan knowing that it would be filled with uncertainty due to a language ba...

Lawyers need vacations too! We all desperately need to disconnect and take a real break from the office but it is so hard to do when running a busy practice and you want to be of service to your clients. Technology has changed the definition of “emergency” and there is a pressure to be available at all times. I’ll never forget being in New York City when a client called to vent about his brother. I was on my first trip with my boyfriend at the time and I explained to him that when you’re a lawyer, it never ends.  It is really up to us to choose ourselves and do something different. Here are three simple boundaries you can create when going on vacation: 1. Create a detailed out of office message. Identify what day you will be coming back to the office and who can be contacted in your absence. Note that you will not be checking your emails or answering calls while you are away. Set clear expectations. 2. Notify your most active clients that you will be gone and let them know the stat...

I just finished Simon Sinek’s “Start With Why” and it has me inspired to consider my purpose and why even more than I did a few weeks ago on this blog. Sinek’s position is that all great businesses and entrepreneurs start with why and then develop the what and how from the why. He references Apple, Southwest, and Harley Davison as companies with a clearly defined why that customers can believe in and therefore support.  My “why” is shaped by a lot of things. My experience as an employee in an industry dominated by outdated policies and practices. Conversations with colleagues that are burnt out, tired, and unfulfilled. My confidence that things can be done differently with great success if only people were willing to make a change. My willingness to work with others, to engage in conversations, to make a difference in an outdated industry.  My “why” is to make the world a better place by helping build confidence among peers so that they can ask for what they need in their pers...

The last few weeks, I’ve really noticed how hesitant people are to make a change in their lives. So many colleagues, friends, and even family members are frustrated by their day to day but they don’t want to do anything different. I keep wondering why? Why not rip off the bandaid and step forward into the unknown? My guess is that it’s fear based. That doing something new or different is always scary. What if you get a different outcome than you did with your old way of doing things? What if you fail? What if you make less money? What if someone judges you for doing things a different way? It’s all fear and shame and it serves no purpose other than to cripple you.  Change is after all, inevitable. You will never be in the same job, relationship, place, home, etc. for your entire life. Things change fast and often without input from you. What if we started embracing those changes instead of fearing them? Regardless of whether they are self-imposed or a result of others. What if we c...

I started a class on language which includes both verbal and non-verbal communication in conversation and interactions among clients, friends, family, and even strangers. One of the thoughts that really struck me is how much the words you say, or your body language, can affect your beliefs.  You talk to yourself more than anyone. Have you ever stopped to consider what you are saying to yourself that may be affecting what you believe about who you are and what you bring to the table? Is your mind littered with negative self-talk? What are you saying to yourself that is true and what is baseless? What beliefs have you developed as a result of what you say to yourself? We have a tendency to distort things, spiral, or get angry and let our brains run wild. We say so many things to ourselves that are not grounded in reality but the more often we say them, the more likely we are to believe them. If you tell yourself every day that you are unworthy, you’re going to start believing it. The...

Over the last year, I’ve grown so much. In isolation, I reflected. While parts of me are the same, parts of me have evolved and I think it’s time for a reintroduction.  Hi, I’m Cady.  I am a native Floridian. A lover of sunrises, sunsets, and sunshine in general. For the past several years, I have practiced as an estate and trust litigation attorney. I have learned so much from my practice. Litigation taught me about organization, confidence, and public speaking. The stressful environment taught me about balance and prioritizing. Some days the practice of law sucks. Other days it sucks less. Regardless, I have learned to manage the stress and negativity by focusing on my needs.  I want to help other professionals in high-stress environments with similar issues - overcoming burnout, recovering from perfectionism, and finding joy in the day to day. I started a coaching business earlier this year to do just that. Everyone has the opportunity to create a balanced, fulfilled l...

Sometimes I feel like I’m living two lives. The one that I signed on for many years ago and the one that I grew into over the last year, my authentic self. It is a constant battle between what my colleagues and society think I should be doing and what my heart and mind are telling me to do. I have found that I am saying “no” more often. I am pushing back on the people and things that do not serve me. I am asking “why”? But still, there is a pull. There may always be a pull. There may always be something challenging my thought processes and my direction. People will judge me, question my authenticity, and fear that I will leave them behind. It gets to me and sometimes, makes me sad. Shouldn’t we all always want the best for each other? Shouldn’t we admire others who have grown into their true selves?  Every morning I remind myself to choose me first. I prioritize my needs and my values. When I feel conflict, I move in my direction and one day, perhaps even sooner than I know, those ...

I am an overachiever. I have always been this way. Growing up, I played three sports, I was Senior Class President, I sought two degrees, I worked while in college, interned, and still managed to get good grades. I graduated with two degrees in three years, I finished law school in two. I did it all and boy, was I impressive. People said, "look at all she's done at such a young age! She's a boss!" "Overachiever" was a positive word in my mind. Something to seek and be.  In law, I did the same. I took on all the cases, all the appointments, all the leadership roles. Again, I did it all and boy, I was still impressive. Then in 2020, during a worldwide pandemic, things slowed down. I couldn't be everywhere for everyone all the time. While I had the leadership roles, those roles had no meaning. We couldn't gather. I couldn't focus on continued upward mobility and impressing. The world hit pause on my overachieving.  And guess what? My career didn...

This week, I have been considering my life purpose and mission statement. It is a topic my classmates and I are discussing within our coaching training courses. Some people have been thinking about their purpose for years and can condense it into a five-word tagline. Others, like myself, feel that a "life purpose" changes and grows with you. Here are my May 2021 thoughts on my life purpose (subject to change literally daily).  My life purpose: To lead others to growth and self-discovery. To teach about happiness, balance, presence, and fulfillment. To explore new places, learn from different cultures, and grow as an individual. To serve others by listening, encouraging, motivating, and empowering. To advocate for positive change and understanding of mental health and wellness. To impact society by cultivating happy and compassionate individuals. To be free from expectations, rigidity, and the influence of others. To live the life of my design with consideration to the improve...

I am not a patient person. It has never been anywhere near the top of my virtues. As I have grown, though, I have realized that there is nothing in life that you can't work on (we do train muscles after all). So, I am practicing patience daily. Here's how: Gratitude: I sit in gratitude for where I am in my life and how far I have come.  Journaling: I explore patience through writing in my journal (and on my blog of course). I think about the ways I was patient during the day and the ways I could have employed more patience. I consider the people I impacted by being impatient. I forgive myself in the moments I lost my cool and treat it as a learning experience.  Listening: I listen with intent. I hesitate to interrupt the conversation or to jump to conclusions. Through coaching, I listen and let clients come to their own solutions. It takes time for people to discover themselves and identify the best routes forward.  Meditation: Sitting in silence trains the patience muscl...

It is time to retire the word "busy". It is not descriptive enough. It doesn't tell me what's really going on in your life. "Busy" can be a euphemism for burnout, over-scheduled, or overwhelmed. It can mean you aren't getting enough personal time in the day. It can mean that you don't have enough help with your home and family. It can mean that you took on too much - that you don't set boundaries. It can be an excuse. It can be a reason you decline an invitation as opposed to an honest assessment of why you do not want to attend.  Moving forward, I urge you to be precise with your words. Get to the root of why or how you are "busy" so that you can address it. The first step in finding balance is identifying what area of life you need to rectify. If you need help, ask for it. If you are over-scheduled, decline an invitation. If you need a break, take vacation time or take the afternoon away from your computer. Remember that "no...

The legal field is antiquated. Much has changed in the world but it seems the legal profession remains firmly rooted in the 1900s. We see law firms managed by white, male lawyers. We see unattainable billable hour requirements. We see a hesitancy to talk open and honestly about the mental health issues that plague our profession and country.  Law is based on precedent - cases that supports arguments and a judge's decisions. Case law that dates back to when the United States was newly formed and leaning on a fresh constitution. When we rely on precedent so heavily to do our jobs, it is hard to embrace change within the field. We require legal associates to stay late in the day not because they are more effective by working longer hours, but because that's just the way things have always been. We hire people from the same schools and backgrounds as us for the same reason. It is what we know. Firm culture relies on precedent just as much as the law.  In order to effectuate change...

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

Society is rigid and we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet quotas, accomplish lofty goals, make a certain income. Why? What do we accomplish by defining ourselves by the hours spent or the money earned? When we ditch the rules and honor our flow, we open the door to abundant possibilities. We say "yes" to things we would be encouraged to disregard. We do what is right for us at that time, not because we are supposed to, but because it feels like the right decision. No timelines, no rules, no walls. Goal setting used to be a priority for me. I wanted to accomplish X by age Y. Then I accomplished those things and nothing happened. I didn't grow or learn. I barely celebrated. I went from meeting one goal to creating a new one. I have also set unrealistic rules in my life - no sugar for a month, workout five times a week, meditate daily. Routine is great but when you're living in a set of rules, you'll inevitably let yourself down when you break a ru...

When contemplating a career change with friends and family, I am inundated with responses framed from their point of view. "What if you fail?" or "What if you don't make a paycheck?" and my personal favorite, "At least you can always fall back on your old career..." Naturally, I internalize. I think, "maybe I am crazy" and "this is too big of a risk". I begin to doubt my skillset. I doubt my instincts. I doubt my years of contemplation, growth, and mindset.  I call this thought process, Self-Doubt Debbie. It is thinking spurred by the self-doubts of others and then projected on me. It is the fear of everyone around me and their Self-Doubt Debbie's trying to jump on my shoulders and tell me what to do or not do.  How sad is that we rarely see the opposite framing: What if you succeed in a space more aligned with your personality and purpose? What if you are happier? Have stronger relationships? Find peace? What an amazing change ...