Conversations With Cady

Timelines are arbitrary. There is no right time to do anything - to settle down and start a family, to go to school, to start a new business. I try to wrap my head around the many timelines I set in my life. I am at a loss. I cannot for the life of me tell you why I said I wanted to do something by a certain date. Why did I want to be a partner in my own firm by 30? Why did I want to have 20 clients by the end of the year? Some may say I am an ambitious goal setter. Some may say that by having goals, I was motivated to work harder.  That's bullshit. I have never worked harder because I had a goal I was trying to meet. I was not more motivated. In fact, the only result of timelines was disappointment. I was sad that I said I was going to do something by a certain timeframe and then did not. I felt guilt and shame. I let myself down.  Again, that's bullshit. Timelines are unnecessary when you are not guaranteed the next day. So you didn't meet your goal? So what? Life goes on...

The word "success" is on my mind. Growing up, I equated success to having a good job and a steady paycheck. I think it also meant living "the dream" - marriage, a family, and a nice home. I worked hard to get there. I spent years in school working on a bachelor's degree, then my juris doctor, and then an MBA. I have been grinding ever since. I had the right demeanor needed to be successful. I am confident, strong, and outspoken. I put in billable hours as a lawyer, sought the perfect relationship, and accomplished the goals that I believed would impress others and signify I had made it.  And that is where the problem lies - I was following a path designed by others. A definition of success created by a society that cherishes the masculine ideal of prosperity. I looked outward for confirmation I was doing the right thing. I regularly received affirmation from employers, colleagues, and family. Ultimately, it didn't matter. I didn't feel successful. I didn...

Sometimes, and more often lately, I am overwhelmed with sadness. I read the news and understand all the fresh, deep pain people experience all over the world. Some days, it is hard to work. To act like it is a normal day after tragedy haunts neighboring cities. To go to the gym, to have my tea, to login to my computer. Everything feels so heavy. My heart aches for my fellow humans.  On days like these, I try to focus on how I can help. How can I bring more light and positive energy into this world? To start, I focus on my community. I am kind to the people I encounter. I check in with my friends and colleagues and see how I can be of assistance to them. I sit with myself and my thoughts. I reflect and journal about the sadness and pain. I try to feel as much as I can. I write. I write for you and for me. I process.  Bad things happen. Bad things that most of us will never fully understand. The only thing that we can do is come together - be there for one another. We can encour...

Society is rigid and we are constantly putting pressure on ourselves to meet quotas, accomplish lofty goals, make a certain income. Why? What do we accomplish by defining ourselves by the hours spent or the money earned? When we ditch the rules and honor our flow, we open the door to abundant possibilities. We say "yes" to things we would be encouraged to disregard. We do what is right for us at that time, not because we are supposed to, but because it feels like the right decision. No timelines, no rules, no walls. Goal setting used to be a priority for me. I wanted to accomplish X by age Y. Then I accomplished those things and nothing happened. I didn't grow or learn. I barely celebrated. I went from meeting one goal to creating a new one. I have also set unrealistic rules in my life - no sugar for a month, workout five times a week, meditate daily. Routine is great but when you're living in a set of rules, you'll inevitably let yourself down when you break a ru...

When contemplating a career change with friends and family, I am inundated with responses framed from their point of view. "What if you fail?" or "What if you don't make a paycheck?" and my personal favorite, "At least you can always fall back on your old career..." Naturally, I internalize. I think, "maybe I am crazy" and "this is too big of a risk". I begin to doubt my skillset. I doubt my instincts. I doubt my years of contemplation, growth, and mindset.  I call this thought process, Self-Doubt Debbie. It is thinking spurred by the self-doubts of others and then projected on me. It is the fear of everyone around me and their Self-Doubt Debbie's trying to jump on my shoulders and tell me what to do or not do.  How sad is that we rarely see the opposite framing: What if you succeed in a space more aligned with your personality and purpose? What if you are happier? Have stronger relationships? Find peace? What an amazing change ...

I may be writing this on a Tuesday but I want to talk about the scariest of all days, Sundays. Historically, the last day of my shockingly short weekend was filled with every household task necessary to prep for the week ahead. That included laundry, grocery shopping, paying bills, meal prep, cleaning, and running every errand that was put off during the week. Boring adult stuff. It might even include a drive to visit the family for lunch because when else are we all supposed to get together without work? By the time the day ended, I was anything but rested. I was annoyed that the entirety of one of my blessed days away from the job was entirely spent preparing for the week ahead. It's no wonder a majority of us end the weekend with "Sunday Scaries".  Now, Sundays are my favorite. They are filled with rest and reflection. Sundays are simply, not so scary anymore. So, how did I get to this point? To the point I actually look forward to this day more than most? It took some...